Tomorrow is our fifth wedding anniversary. So I apologize that this post isn’t about anything easy home decor related or recipes. If anything, this post is the opposite of everything easy. After all, it’s marriage we are discussing. 🙂 Since we are celebrating these 5 years (aka 60 months, whew) and we’ve been together for more than 9 years, I wanted to share 60 things I would tell myself as a young-ish bride 5 years ago…
I’m a total sap. Totally tearing up at a few of these and totally censoring myself on a few others. 😉 If you’ve read this little blog long enough you know that I’m incredibly sarcastic and would totally lose in the parenting blogging arena. I’m simply looking to make life easier and that usually means that I’m not a candidate for mom of the year. 😉 So I’ll apologize in advance if you were looking for something truly meaningful on our marriage. I don’t have a secret formula. It’s a committed adventure every single day.
This is simply our real life.
Without further ado, here are 60 things I would tell myself 5 years ago about marriage…
On What Love is….
- Love is changing out your wife’s shaving cream can before she realizes she’s out.
- Love is volunteering to stay at home with a sick baby when the other has a big meeting before even being asked.
- Love is willing to pose for DIY pictures when all you want to do is finish the [bleep] project.
- Love is compromising on design styles.
- Love is when he takes the baby monitor and tells you to take a nap.
- Love is contributing together every single day & evening.
- Love is allowing someone else to help.
- Love is learning more about each other.
- Love is when he sits in the row with the kids both ways to/from Arizona
We were totally that couple that hung out together right before the ceremony.
On How Marriage Really Works Outside of Pinterest
- Marriage is the ultimate home improvement project
- A 1 year anniversary isn’t always leftover wedding cake. It could be coming out of the baby blues with a 2 month old and coordinating a cross country move.
- Future anniversaries won’t be much fanfare. Young children, student loans, and a mortgage mean a quick dinner out. But you know it won’t always be this way.
- He will always remind you of that one time you broke up with him for a month during the summer of his senior year of college. Smile and remind him of how wonderful it all turned out. 😉
- You’re now a team. Act like it.
- Neither of you are perfect, so don’t expect a perfect marriage. For every hard day, there are dozens of wonderful ones.
- If he says “Let me research that” it means he has no clue, but wants to impress you (and learn a new skill)
- If you say “I can make that!” You’ll spend more in crafts, but he’ll be so proud of you anyways.
- You’re probably going to have the same awful movies on in the background during projects. But you’re getting a beautiful DIY out of it, so just smile and move to another room.
- Be each other’s sounding board for work or projects. Really listening is worth its weight in gold.
- Understand that you both aren’t 22 or 26 years old anymore. You’ll grow and mature– encourage it together.
- He will never understand why you pay so much to have your hair done only to have it look the same every single time. Stop explaining that’s why you pay so much.
- Be willing to make each other better. Encourage growth that is uncomfortable.
- Don’t be afraid to ask “What’s next for us?”
- Find a hobby that you love doing together. It will flourish.
- Find a hobby that fulfills you. I love blogging, Jordan has an upcoming half marathon.
- Become your spouse’s biggest fan.
- You’ve totally married each other’s families.
- Make sure you continue to respect each other. It’s easy not to.
- Planning dinner ahead of time will save you both so much stress after a long work day.
- A home isn’t defined by a house. Home moves with you both as you relocate.
- Your life goals will not be what you expected. They change and become even better.
- To avoid arguments, keep DIY project timing expectations low.
- Don’t forget to say “Thank you.”
- You may not travel as much as you’d planned. But you’re still together enjoying life.
- Marriage isn’t as easy as a big beautiful day and then going on a nice vacation.
- Enjoy the time you have together.
- Be okay with an ordinary life that you’re building together.
- Make your marriage a priority. If something seems ‘off,’ talk about it.
- Keep laughing together. Your kids are going to be crazy, life won’t go as planned, and inevitably you’ll have lots of Pinterest fails. Just laugh.
- Some days your wedding ring will feel super heavy– but it’s so important that you stay committed to resolving an argument.
- Don’t forget to give hugs. Whether it’s when they lean around you to get something out of the refrigerator or intentional. Take advantage of the endorphins.
- You’re allowed to be happy, frustrated, and completely content in one single day.
- Always kiss each other goodbye. Even if it’s the last thing you want to do after a hard morning getting everyone out the door.
- You’ve got the best husband. Don’t take it for granted.
- You’re going to be mad and angry, but always find the real problem before saying something you’ll regret.
- Come to terms that you’re the messy one and Jordan will always be picking up after you. He knows it.
On Spending Money & Having 2 Careers
- Sometimes you’re the bread winner… and sometimes you’re not. But that shouldn’t change the dynamic.
- There will be days where there isn’t enough money to do all that you want to do. And it’s not your spouse’s fault. Make a plan to earn more together.
- Stick to a real budget. Then 85% of the disagreements end.
- Support the hell out of each other’s careers– you only have the two of you to build momentum.
- Even if you don’t understand his work projects, listen & make eye contact. He will return the favor.
On Having Kids
- Babies may arrive quickly or not at all. It’s not your fault either way.
- You won’t know it now, but you’ll fall even more in love with him when you see him holding your first born. And then it happens again the 2nd time around.
- And having a 2nd baby is harder on the marriage than you ever anticipated. But you’ll get into a groove soon enough.
- You’ll both become so much more compassionate about helping friends & their families.
- Babies can make you feel overwhelmed. But it doesn’t last long. A new phase will quickly arrive and you’ll create a new game plan together.
- Ask your mother-in-law what she did to raise such great men. Write down the advice for your own son.
- You’ll occasionally be sleep deprived and want to wake him up next to you during a midnight feeding. Don’t. His turn will be soon enough (every 2-3 hours!)
- Discuss parenting before the kids arrive. And keep asking if you’re doing the right thing.
- Find a great babysitter as soon as you can. Date nights are crucial.
Finally, a bonus #61…
- It’s totally worth it.
Ohmigosh. That was a lot to write. Perhaps I should’ve written this list a few years ago when it would’ve only been 36 items! Thanks for making it to the end. How long have you been married? What would advice would you tell yourself? Let me know in the comments.